A bit gloomy.
I'll start by saying, I did not want to move to California. When you hear from others the hard stuff they have to do, and even the hard stuff I've had to do that I never thought I could or would, you think, "No way in H-- am I doing that!" You think to yourself, "there is not a chance I would ever do that." But then the T in the road appears, and you have to choose. Because believe it or not, we always have a choice, always. And that is just what happened. My husband said he wanted to work for a tech-start up in San Francisco, he applied to probably 80 jobs and got 3 offers and accepted 1 and here we are. When he first mentioned it a year ago, I thought it was a fun, passing thought
Bay Bridge to Oakland, from Fisherman's Wharf
Ima be extremely honest here. I am mad that I live in Oakland. Wow Gina, get over it. I am trying to get over it, that's the point
But our lives are actually what we have, not what we can't let go of wanting or wishing for.
You think I'm pretty spoiled and
But next to that list of all that is "wrong" and all that makes me unhappy, is a
We all know life is hard. Really hard. In many different ways for every single person. So the first thing I can do is focus on the list that surpasses all that is wrong and icky. The grateful list of all the gifts and blessings. It might sound cliche' but it literally helps. It works, I promise. Our minds can't serve a good and a bad thing at the same time. If we focus on the good thing, and the gift, and keep doing that, the negativity and countless things that are wrong, will fall by the wayside. But that's just it, we have to do it. We have to work
B as It doesn't say satisfied to the point where you don't want change, but satisfied for now. Being patient through the changes, and confusion. The possibility of trusting God, that He didn't necessarily cause this, but He can do something with it, if we allow. Accepting that things take time to bloom. Flowers don't grow overnight.
We can stop being agitated and disturbed; we don't have to allow ourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled. Jesus left us a legacy of peace, and He wants us to use it.
Be present to the gift of now. Ann Voskamp
And every milestone moment always forks and you get to choose which road you’ll go —
Don’t grieve that it’s gone, wonder that it was. (Wow, I dare us.) Ann Voskamp
I've also got to get to accepting. This might not be where I want to be, geez Gina, who are you kidding you're in the BAY AREA, you basically ARE in San Fransico! Give it some time woman! And maybe we can move to the actual city of SF in a year or two. But for now, you still live in one of the most sought after, beautiful places in the country! Ok, am I talking in first person or second here?!
I can learn to accept and "get over myself", when it comes to living in Oakland. I think one of the reasons I don't want to be here is it feels more permanent. And I don't want this move to be permanent. SF is less permanent. The bottom line is none of this is what I wanted or asked for but I'm here now, and I can work with it. I just have to get to accepting. I have to radically accept that this isn't what I wanted, and I do have to "start over" but that in time I trust God will reveal how He wants to use me here. I have to trust that my character will grow, that my marriage will become even stronger, that I will gain new experiences, (I already have), that if I surrender to what I don't want, I may just find a few things I do want. I may just see things in a new
See, it's not so bad. Sitting in North Beah in SF having coffee.
Where you are at in your life and what you are going through right now might not be your first choice or your second choice for that matter. It might not be what you wanted